Merry Christmas everyone!! :D :D :D :D
May joy and peace stay in our heart  forever O:)

Glad I can make a new post again :) So, it's been a quite tiring week for me. I had to go to church for 3 days in a row. I went to church on Dec 23rd at 6 am for a church service, and went back to church at around 7 pm to a Christmas celebration. Then I went back to church the next day at around 7.30 pm for a Christmas Eve church service, and finally--the last day--on 25th of Dec, went to church for a Christmas church service at 6 am.

So anyway, my closest friend in junior high just came to my house this afternoon. Well, she asked me for a help to install a game on her laptop, but it was pretty fun :D especially, we rarely meet each other since we weren't in the same school. So I was really glad for her to come to my house :D

We talked lots of stuffs that had happened in her school, and her new friends, and our other old friends, and I just knew that her grandad pad passed away last month on November 24th.

I was sad to hear that cause I knew she was always so close with her grandad, and that I couldn't believe that news cause I thought he still accompanied her and her twin brother to go to school almost everyday like he used to.

But we both know that he's now living in peace with God in the lovely heaven :)

We played the game on her laptop till her mother picked her up (her twin brother drove the car). She was quite full by some snacks and drinks I served to her--a plate of fettuccine which my mom and I just made in the morning, a chips she brought for us, a cup of klappertaart, and some cokes (I was glad for it :D ).

Then, she went back to her house at around 5.30 pm

I was so happy for today!

It's almost the end of the world. Sorry. I mean, it's almost Christmas and I haven't prepared anything for it. I can't even feel a pinch of Christmas spirit until now :(
Everywhere I go, at school, church, or malls, I can't feel the real spirit of Christmas.

What's happening??

Well, okay. That was too much. Maybe this is why I don't wanna set a Christmas tree in my house like I did last year. Oh wait. I didn't even set a Christmas tree last year?

Moreover, my house is getting kinda messy this month, and I'm way too lazy to clean it up and fix every single thing in there.
Am not even excited to celebrate the new year's eve, so... Let's just chill out and read some novels and eat two jars of chocolate cookies and watch some movies everyday.

Anyway, speaking of movies, I just watched "The Pacifier" two days ago where Max Thierot also played in that movie, long long loooongg time ago when the dinosaurs were still alive.
Well, not that far, actually.

The movie was great, it was a 2000s-family-comedy movie so it was really worthy to watch. Max looked so much younger than he is now, and he dyed his hair into blonde. Aaaaw, so cute.

By the way, I just did a search on how Christmas tree is set to decorate some houses. Here are some pictures of them (hope these will give us the Christmas spirit back!):
























































 They look so pretty, don't they?
How I wish I had a pretty house like in these pics <3

Well, okay. I guess that's enough for today. See ya on the next post!

Maaaannn. Why do I still have to go to school till next week??

Actually, it's a quite silly question I have cause most public schools in my country usually start the Christmas and New Year holiday (or as we usually call it as the first term holiday) on around 20s of December.

Not like in my old school, where they'll start their holiday this week. 

One of my friends told me they'll celebrate Christmas in their school tomorrow (yup, on December 14th) and will also get their first term report card on the same day (I guess? Or maybe this Saturday?). And then? They'll be FREE! FREE LIKE A BIRD! Whoahahahaa

Okay, that's enough.

And me? Ugh. Well, like I've said before, that I still have to go to school till next week, and will get my first term report card on December 21st.

Well then, could it be? Could it happen? Because I heard people believe that the end of the world is on that day.
 So it's a bit confusing, I think. I mean isn't it funny that you know you'll get your first term report card on the day the world will end?

Hahaha. I mean, come on. I laughed at this kind of thought and it took about 5 minutes for me to finally breath well back again.

It couldn't be just as if you wake up in the morning on the day, go to school with your parents to take your report card, and when your teacher gave you the report card...... WOOOOOSSSSHHHH. 
You're all dead.

But anyway, I still can't give my own opinion if I do believe that the world will end on December 21st. 

I still think that there's no way it will end so fast in about a week from now. But it still makes sense because some natural disasters happened recently, and that the world's atmosphere feels so different and strange day by day.

For example, now in my country, the sun shines way brighter and rises faster than it was before. When I was still a student in my old school, it used to shine bright at around 6.30 am. But now, I could feel its 6.30-am-shine at around 5 am.

And besides, the temperature also getting hotter and crazier. That is why when my teacher said that the school is gonna take off the air conditioner in every class, I was like "NOOOOOOOO WAAAAYYY!!"

Also, I haven't really enjoyed my new life as a senior high student. I've been surviving in this school and my life have been quite weird and so different that mine before.

I have a friend whom I knew from a Christian community in the school. We're the only Christian kids in our class but that doesn't matter, really. She likes all things and gossips about K-Pop (well, she's a HUGE fan of it). And, it's quite awkward to be with her because she doesn't really like western music like I do and I don't really like K-Pop so we sometimes miscommunication.

And there's another kid who also in my class and he's also a HUGE K-Pop fan. So they both got close enough with me cause we often make school projects together. And suddenly, this kid asked me if I wanna join his K-Pop fans club that he made in our school. Well, not including those K-Pop fans from our seniors, just the 10th grader K-Pop fans.

And actually, I wasn't really interested with the club, but I don't know why, he kept asking me to join and talked about all of his plans to make some videos of him and the other members, covering some K-Pop songs.

I really wanna quit from that fans club. Besides I know he only needs me to help him making the videos by playing keyboard or piano. He's so bossy too. He kept sending us some text messages, telling us to think about how they would make the videos look great, and in the end of his text messages, he adds a 'remaining note', telling that he pleases us to do so, cause he's the leader of the group.

Bzzzzzzt.
The end of the world is only a week way to go and I DEFINITELY don't wanna be involved in a fans club where I'm not interested in every subject they're talking about and where I'm only gonna be used to help them shine. Besides, I don't understand and don't know anything about K-Pop, so I won't understand everything they'll talk about. And that won't make myself work well to help them making the videos.

I mean I won't do my best for anything that doesn't look interesting enough for me to do my best.
That will be useless enough for me to spend the rest of my life, facing the end of the world.
Duh.

So yeay! I just done my first-term final test last Friday (on Dec 7th) :D
And I'm free...!

Well, not totally "free" actually. I mean, I still have to go back to school tomorrow. Though I'm not sure we'll study again (like, seriously!).

Guess we'll use the time left to discuss about some class competition and submit our school assignments to our teachers 'till December 21st. Then, we'll finally be totally free, and enjoy the holiday for a year.

Well, you know. From December 21st 'till January 6th 2013 means a year.

So anyway, I admit that my preparation during the final test wasn't a 100% full of efforts. Don't know why, but I just couldn't get enough spirit to study -__-

Therefore, I guess I felt too lazy to face the final test. I didn't even study on my desk in my room. Just sat there on my bed, and read the schoolbook, and fell asleep, and woke up in the morning at around 4.30 am with the schoolbook above my belly, and went to school, and asked some smart kids about the things I didn't understand about the subjects, and went on the test with a blank mind.

So I guess, am not ready yet to hear, or read, the results of all of my final tests.

I think the final test was pretty hard, even though it was all multiple questions (not like in the mid-term test. All subjects contained 5 essay questions!). But I think that multiple questions was kinda hard. I mean I'd rather get a 10 essay questions that 50 multiple questions.

Well, I know I could just choose any answers if I didn't know the right ones. But still, that means I was gonna die cause am not really good at choosing some multiple questions.

And now, I have to go back to face some annoying school assignments. I guess I might have to submit 'em all tomorrow morning. Man. Wish we won't study again tomorrow. Like, seriously. It's almost the end of the year.

So I've finally got my first mid-term report card yesterday :D
And it wasn't as bad as I thought before.

 Well I got 60 for Chemistry, but actually if I could fix my third Chem exam, I'm totally sure that I'd get around 80 :/

Such a pity.

Well at least, there are only 2 subjects that are under 75. I got 71 for Computer (this was because I still got under 75 for my first remedial -.-) and 60 for Chem.

So the thing is, I have to be more diligent and study harder! >:D

Go go go!

Aaaarrggghhh man!

I'm gonna get my first mid-term report card tomorrow!
THIS IS STRESSING.

Well, sebenernya bukan karena gua takut dimarahin karena nilai jelek sih (oke. Rada takut sih. Tapi itu kan 'rada'). Tapi karena gua lagi males aja melakukan segala hal.

Soalnya yah soalnya.
Tugas dan PR sekolah udah se-Everest lagi. Gimana nggak gila?

Besok kita semua murid kelas X bakal ngambil rapot jam 2-3 siang. Nah, pagi-paginya itu (kalo nggak salah sih, sampe jam 10-an) kita belajar dulu sesuai sama KBM hari Jumat.

Man!

And today, we just got some 'souvenirs' to bring home:
-PR Bahasa, tentang memprosakan puisi (well, sebenernya sih ini PR kemarin. Tapi berhubung si guru nggak masuk tadi, dijadiin 'PR' lagi), sama menganalisis cerpen.
Jujur, gua suka pelajaran bahasa. Tapi giliran udah ketemu sama yang namanya 'menganalisis karya sastra'.... No, thanks.

-PR Biologi. Gua juga suka sama pelajaran yang satu ini (meskipun nggak jarang rasa malas datang tiap kali mau ulangan). Tapi PR-nya ini aneh banget. Entah mungkin si guru lagi emosi ngurusin murid-murid, atau emang dia nggak ngerti perkembangan teknologi, tapi yang jelas dia nyuruh kita untuk 'menggambar' struktur trypanosoma, paramecium, sama plasmodium di power point.
Lah? Maksudnya apa tuh?
Sempet merasa dongdong juga sih. Gua kira, kita disuruh gambar struktur-struktur protozoa yang mirip hewan itu di Paint, trus gambarnya kita save. Trus kita insert di slide power point kita.

Tapi kan, yakali digambar? -_-

Ternyata maksudnya adalah kita meng-copy gambar struktur itu di internet, trus di paste di slidenya.

-Matematika. Ada PR dari buku latihannya. Well, gua sih udah selesai dari hari pertama dikasih soal (yuhuu~). But the problem is, bakal ada arisan besok.
Arisan? What the hell is that? Ada 'arisan' di pelajaran Mat? What on earth are you talking about?!
Yeah.
'Arisan' disini, adalah saat-saat menegangkan dimana guru Mat kalian akan melempar-lempar tempat bekas krim wajah untuk wanita yang berisi kumpulan kertas-kertas kecil yang sudah digulung bak kertas arisan ibu-ibu RT dimana kertas itu masing-masing bertuliskan nomor absen siswa-siswi dari 1-40.

Jadi, pas absen kalian dipanggil, kalian diberi 'kehormatan' untuk maju ke depan dan ngambil salah satu kertas arisan lainnya, yang isinya soal-soal arisan alias soal-soal yang dijadiin PR kemaren.

Untung-untung dapet yang gampang. Lah kalo yang susah? Matilah kau.


Okelah. Mungkin cukup sampai disini.
Masih ada PR Ekonomi yang belom gua sentuk sama sekali, dan sekarang udah jam sepuluh kurang seperempat.
Met malem.

Whooaaa!! Been long time not posting in this blog!

Well FYI, I'm on my mid term tests now and this is actually quite stressing. As you know that I'm now in senior high, everything seems waaaaay maturer and yet more complicated (in case of studying!)

The hardest part of my very first mid term test in senior high is that I have to face 17 subjects in 5 days!
Isn't that crazy?

I mean, I've never done this before. I've never had 4 subjects for a one-day-test (or, whatever you call it in English).
I've done the first and the second day of the "what-the-hell-too-much-subjects-for-mid-term-test-in-a-day". And also, the third day. Well, I just done the third day today.

I had each 4 subjects for the first to the second day. And today, I just done another 3 subjects. And I'll have to face another 3 subjects each for the next 2 days till Friday.

THIS IS STRESSING.

Hope everyone who's not facing the mid term test this week could be grateful in whatever they do.
Hope that I can do all of the tests in the best way I can so I'll get the best scores later in every subject I learn in this senior high.

Ah. Yah. Selamat malam, Indonesia.
Gua nggak bisa tidur. Well, nggak seperti biasanya sih gua tidur lebih cepet seperti ini. Sekarang aja baru jam setengah 12 malem.
Dan gua, udah tergeletak di tempat tidur dari sekitar jam 9-an.

Tepat jam 9-an itu, gua lagi asik bernostalgia sama temen deket lama gua yang di SMP lewat salah satu aplikasi messaging yang bisa 'tembus' platform.
Masalahnya, dia pake sistem Android dan gua sendiri cuma hp biasa. Tapi kebetulan, bisa nge-download aplikasi itu. Jadinya yah kan lumayan, bisa ngirit pulsa banyak kalo mau ngobrol-ngobrol sama dia.

Awalnya, gua cuma iseng nanya-nanya apakah dia masih bergaul sama temen deket lama gua yang satu lagi ato engga. Soalnya, kata temen gua yang dari beda kelas waktu SMP, mereka udah rada jarang main gitu.

Dan ternyata, temen deket gua ini bilang kalo dia masih main sama temen gua yang satu lagi dan bahkan sering ngabisin waktu istirahat mereka di kantin barengan sama temen-temen baru mereka.

Kita keasikan chatting sampe-sampe topik kita malah nyambung ke masa depan.

Awalnya dia bilang, kalo dia merasa bahwa dia sekarang lagi 'terlalu fokus' mikirin beasiswa kuliah. Gua sih maklumin aja. Toh, gua sendiri juga masih dalam tahap mikirin soal yang sama meskipun baru sebulan duduk di bangku SMA.

Trus, dia nanya gua mau kuliah dimana dan gua bilang, "pengennya sih di UI... hehehe #ammiiinn" Dan gua bales tanya, dia mau kuliah dimana?
Trus diabilang kalo dia pengen kuliah di luar negeri. Kalo bisa di London.
Gatau kenapa tiba-tiba dia kepengen kuliah disitu (gua juga lupa kenapa). Mungkin karena terinspirasi sama olimpiade London?
Well.
Who knows?

Merasa rada tercengang dengan jawabannya, gua cuma bales "woooww.. keren kereeennn.."
Terus dia lanjut ngomongin soal formulir-formulir pendaftaran beasiswa yang udah dia search di internet.
Dia bilang dia bingung harus ngapain kalo udah ketemu formulir beasiswanya. Kalo diisi, dia takut kecepetan. Tapi dia juga nggak mau telat kuliah.

Merasa ingin jadi temen yang baik, gua pun menyarankan untuk lebih baik diisi aja. Tinggal nunggu hasilnya. Toh, kita mash kelas 1 SMA ini. Masih banyak berbagai program beasiswa lainnya yang masih bisa diambil setelah kita duduk di kelas 3 SMA.
So, still so long time to go.

Dia pun lanjut dan bilang bahwa dia pengen ngambil jurusan patologis. Gua yang masih sangat lugu mengenai berbagai macam jurusan pun bertanya, patologis itu jurusan tentang apa. Dan dia bilang, itu jurusan yang mempelajari tentang penyakit dalam.

Wow.
That was actually so cool.

Trus gua curhat, kalo sebenernya waktu masih kelas 1 SMP aja, gua juga hampir sama kayak dia.

Awalnya, gua kepengeeeeennn banget bisa ngambil beasiswa kuliah di Kanada. Lalu, pindah haluan jadi pengen di Swiss. Trus, ganti lagi jadi pengen di Swedia. Dan berganti lagi jadi pengen di Australia, atau nggak di New Zealand.
Tapi, belakangan ini mental gua berasa ciut dan malah jadi pengen kuliah di UI alias di Indonesia aja.

Dan temen gua ini bilang, "Aaaah... udaaahh, bareng aja sama gw di London :')"
Well, kinda cool actually.
Dan gua bilang, "kayaknya asik juga tuh kalo bisa kuliah bareng-bareng lagi kayak waktu SMP. Bisa tinggal di apartemen, trus hidup sendiri..."
Dan dia bales, "Waaaaa...!! Gilaaa gua sampe sesek napas kez, ngebayanginyaaa ya ampuunn... Apalagi sekalian bisa ngerasaim musim salju di London.. aaaa!"

Baru baca responnya aja, gua udah ketawa sendiri bak orang gila.
Bikin temen bisa seneng aja rasanya kayak udah digaji mahal buat gua.

Terus gua tambah iseng lagi dengan bilang, "terus nanti kerja di lab, trus ketemu sama dokter cowok bule, trus nikah deh"
Dan respon yang dia tulis terlalu panjang dan 'wah' sehingga maaf, gua gabisa tulis di sini.

Dia bilang, "ahh aammiiinn... pokoknya, sekarang gua fokus dulu deh biar bisa masuk IPA"
Mendengar dia nyebutin salah satu bidang jurusan SMA, gua jadi mikir sendiri. Dan malah curhat kepanjangan sama dia.

Gua bilang, kalo gua sekarang jadi bingung mau masuk IPA atau IPS.
Yep.
Am now actually confuse about that even though at first, I really really wanted to be in Science class but now.... I don't know... I guess Social class is kinda fun and as cool and great as Science class too.

Terus dia bilang, "masuk ipa ajeh"
Dan nambahin kalo kata ortunya, kalo masuk IPA itu lapangan pemilihan bidangnya lebih luas dibanding IPS.
Dalem hati, gua bilang, "yeah yeah... I know. But the truth is that, will you be MORE successful than those who attend Social class, if you choose Science class at first?"

That was actually what I've been thinking about this late times.

Masalahnya, gak jarang kejadian ada orang yang dari jurusan IPA. Trus ngambil kuliahnya jurusan kedokteran. Giliran kerja, pas praktek kan modalnya gede. Ujung-ujungnya kalo cuma buka praktek di rumah dan sepi pasien kan, nggak asik.

Beda lagi kalo dia dari jurusan IPS. Trus ngambil kuliahnya jurusan ekonomi dan bisnis. Giliran kerja, dengan hanya bermodal otak bisnis dan kemampuan berbisnis yang baik, maka dia bisa jadi pebisnis yang handal dan sukses. Dan jangan-jangan, bisa jadi lebih kaya dibanding si dokter tadi.

I'm not telling you that those who attend Social class are waaaay way waaaayy better and will be more successful than those who attend Science (or Language class. Idk. Depends on the schools if they have this class or not).
Both Social and Science are cool and great, I think.

Gua juga nggak berusaha untuk menjadi seorang 'ahli' dalam bidang pemilihan jurusan ini.
I do know that I'm such a smartass (moreover that I had just got into senior high last month).

Itulah sebabnya kenapa gua jadi bingung sendiri dengan jurusan yang akan gua pilih nantinya.
Gua pun curhat ke teme gua lagi, bilang kalo gua akhir-akhir ini pengen jadi dosen bahasa. Hal itu karena gua terinspirasi sama kakek dari keluarga bokap yang katanya sih dia itu dosen bahasa Indonesia dan ngajar di universitas di Belanda.

Lalu gua juga bilang kalo gua juga pengen fokus di musik. Siapa tau, dengan kemampuan bermusik yang belom telat gua asah ini, bisa mendatangkan kesempatan dan hidup yang baru. 
Ehehehehe

Dan gua juga lajut, kalo gua juga tertarik di bidang broadcasting.

Tapi, temen gua yang satu ini juga tau kalo gua emang sempet tergila-gila sama desain interior dan hobi banget mainin game "The Sims" ahahaha
Trus dia bilang, "pilih desain interior aja kez"
Dan gua nolak. Karena percuma menurut gua. 
Gambar stick man aja, gua masih ancur. Gimana mau gambar rumah dan isinya? -_-

Terus dia bilang, "Wuiihhh kakek lo keren kezz.. Kalo nggak, lo kerja aja paginya ngajar, siang manggung di kafe, trus malemnya broadcasting.. Sekalian, bisa ngajar sekaligus ngilerin tampng-tampang cakep cowok Belanda.. ahaayy"

Hahahahahahaha
Boleh, boleh...

Tapi, yang harusnya gua incar adalah kehidupan suksesnya. Bukan cowok Belandanya. Urusan bisa menikmati pemandangan indah cowok Belanda mah, ntar juga dapet bonusnya (dapet cowok orang Belanda). Yang penting mah, karir dulu euy..
Ahahahahahaha
Asik.

Trus gua bilang, "yakali masa gua harus pake tes bakat dulu, baru nentuin jurusan? :("
Dan dia bilang, "aaahhh lu mahh, bakat udah puuuooollll"
Gua aminin apa yang menjadi responnya itu.

Trus gua menjadi glau sendiri karena belom tau mau milih jurusan apa karena mendadak, gua bener-bener blank akan cita-cita gua yang dulu bahkan waktu masih SD, udah menggebu-gebu!

Gua pun rasanya pengen nangis sekenceng-kencengnya di saat itu juga. Merasa kasihan sama diri sendiri. Merasa 'terdahului' dengan temen gua yang waktu dulu, keliatannya masih nggak tau mau bener-bener jadi apa.

Mungkin juga karena kegalauan itulah yang membuat gua jadi nyari-nyari buku renungan dan Alkitab gua.
Gua inget, udah 10 hari gua nggak baca renungan, nggak ngobrol-ngobrol akrab lagi sama Tuhan.
Bahkan, bisa dibilang gua udah hampir meninggalkan Dia begitu aja karena terlalu fokus mikirin dunia.

Sambil iseng baca-baca renungan yang sebelum-sebelumnya, gua menemukan satu bacaan yang begitu pas dan cocok sama keadaan gua sekarang.
Bacaan itu merupakan bacaan buat hari Senin, 13 Agustus lalu. 8 hari yang lalu.
Ayatnya diambil dari Filipi 4:1-9
Dan yang sangat menarik perhatian gua, adalah ayat masnya (Filipi 4:6)
"Janganlah hendaknya kamu kuatir tentang apapun juga..."
masih berlanjut sih. Sayang, gua nggak sempet ngambil Alkitab ketika sampai di kursi komputer tabung ini.

Tapi gua inget, bahwa isinya ngasih tau ke kita semua kalo kita nggak perlu takut, kuatir, maupun cemas sama apa pun juga. Termasuk juga masa depan kita. 
Ilustrasinya pun juga sesuai banget sama keadaan gua.

Kalo kita kuatir sama jurusan apa yang kita bakal pilih, jangan kuatir. Berserah sepenuhnya sama Tuhan, dan yang terpenting, tetep setia sama Dia. Minta keinginan kita dan serahkan segala kekuatiran kita sama Dia melalui doa-doa kita padaNya. Kita harus setia sama Dia kalo mau dapetin masa depan yang super-duper cerah dan membahagiakan dan alhasil, semua kekuatiran kita akan segala hal yang mungkin kita anggap menjadi penghalang buat kita untuk menuju masa depan yang cerah itu, akan hilang.

After that, I now feel way better than before. Perasaan nyesek, sakit, sedih, dan kekuatiran gua akan masa depan gua (termasuk jurusan apa yang akan gua pilih) udah hilang and I do believe that my great future is in His hands and that He will give me that for as long as I put my trust in Him :)

Well, that's all for tonight.
Hope this post is useful. Sleep tight, have a sweet dream :)

Begitu udah pada masuk SMA, gatau kenapa dunia rasanya beda benget. Bukan hanya karena suasananya aja, tapi juga relasi antara gua dan temen-temen SMP gua yang sekarang udah pada mencar entah kemana, meskipun kebanyakan masih ngelanjutin SMA di sekolah itu juga.

Singkat cerita, suatu hari gua kangen sama temen gua yang udah 2 tahun d SMP sekelas mulu.
Gua ngirim pesan, "ehh, gimana sekolah disitu? kangeenn"
Dan dia jawab, kalo sekolah disitu seru-seru dan asik-asik.
Trus gua nanya lagi, "gimana anak-anak barunya?"
Trus dia jawab, "anak-anak barunya seru-seru kok kez, asik-asik, gokil-gokil." 

Entah kenapa, kalimat itu serasa menusuk hati gua *jleb* Terus, gua inget. Ada satu anak baru yang kesannya rada sok, nyolot, gimanaaa gitu. Pokoknya pas gua liat profile twitternya, isinya tulisan-tulisan yang bisa bikin mata rusak alias kata-kata kasar. Dan gua cukup penasaran sama cewek ini, soalnya sempet gua baca timeline gua dan isinya itu tweets temen-temen SMP gua yang pada minta di follow sama cewek baru ini.

Gua pun nanya, si cewek baru ini orangnya kayak gimana. Dan temen lama gua yang satu lagi bilang, dia itu anaknya asik, seru, frontal, toa, dan jago bahasa Inggrisnya. Dan sekarang, si cewek ini lagi bertemen deket sama dia, dan beberapa anak-anak yang gua tau juga.

Nggak tau kenapa ya, rasanya kok dunia baru aja menendang diri gua jauh-jauh. Jauh dari bumi, jauh dari temen-temen, keluarga, dan seluruh orang-orang yang gua kenal baik yang deket maupun yang nggak. Serasa ditendang ke Neptunus dan nggak bisa balik lagi ke bumi.

Rasanya tuh bumi ngomong ke gua begini, "mending lo nyari temen baru aja deh kez, daripada lo ikut-ikutan maksain diri bergaul sama temen-temen lo yang lama. Percuma. Mereka tuh sekarang udah jadi anak gaul, udah punya temen-temen baru yang jauuuhh lebih kece, pinter, asik, gokil-gokil, pokoknya beda banget deh sama lo. Mereka inget lo aja enggak. Makanya, mending gausah dipaksain deh. Hidup gak selamanya terus seperti dulu."

See?? Hurt, wasn't it??!!

Dan jauh-jauh hari sebelum gua nanya sama temen gua yang udah 2 tahun sekelas.
Gua nanya, kehidupan di sekolah itu gimana dan dia bilang asik, trus dia sempet nyebutin satu nama cewek, tapi bukan nama si cewek yang kesannya nyolot tadi.
Dan gua nanya, anak cewek itu orangnya kayak gimana.
Trus dia bilang, si anak cewek ini tuh orangnya asik, gaul, yah.. rada-rada ceria gitu lah orangnya. 
Gua pun akhirnya cuma bales dengan kata "oo.."

Gua mengalihkan pembicaraan dengan menanyakan kabar temen gua yang satu lagi yang emang udah deket dari SD dulu. Dan temen lama gua ini bilang, kalo temen SD gua ini sempet 'ngedarin' rahasianya yang 'terdalam' sama dia. Gua pun ngakak dan langsung good mood lagi. Tapi senyum gua langsung surut begitu gua denger kalo si temen lama gua ini bilang, "eh kez, tapi jangan bilang siapa-siapa ya. Soalnya yang tau cuma gua sama si _______" 
Dia baru aja nyebutin nama si cewek baru yang tadi. Yang asik, dan rada-rada ceria itu.

You see?
You see, my blog, and those who read this post??
She just said that nobody knows the secret except her, and this new kid?
I mean she just told me the secret and that means that "nobody knows the secret except her, me, and the new kids" does it??
Ah, well. Forget it.

Mungkin gua cuma terlalu banyak beban pikiran dan perlu istirahat. THR alias Tugas Hari Raya dari guru-guru di SMA gua udah setinggi gunung Everest padahal libur lebaran 2 minggu.

Tapi maaf, buat kalian yang matanya udah pegel baca postingan ini tapi gua masih mau lanjut curhat. Bisa di close aja kok page blog gua ini sekarang juga.
Ada satu kejadian lagi dimana gua sendiri malah sama sekali nggak merasa bangga dengan angkatan gua di SMP. Dengan lingkungannya, temen-temennya, pokoknya semua yang ada hubungannya atau pun yang mengatasnamakan angkatan SMP gua itu gua jadi sebel dan nggak suka sendiri.

Pernah waktu itu gua nyoba iseng-iseng ngirim follow request ke twitter account angkatan gua (twitternya di protect). Dan begitu hari ini gua coba liat profilenya, gak ada tuh tulisan yang menandakan bawa follow request gua udah di approve atau masih pending. Melainkan malah tulisannya "follow" lagi.

Kan berarti itu namanya follow request gua udah di denied sama adminnya.
Heran dah. Salah apa gua sampe temen angkatan sendiri di denied? Segitu parahkah diri gua sampe-sampe mereka gak rela account-nya di follow sama gua?

Okelah. Mungkin dimata kalian yang baca post ini, gua kesannya kekanak-kanakan banget. Norak, nista, dan apa pun lah itu namanya. Cuma gara-gara twitter doang gitu.
Tapi ya, masa sih masa temen angkatan sendiri gitu? 
Ahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaaha hahaahahahahaahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhh

Gua gak ngerti bagaimana caranya dunia bisa berubah begitu cepatnya. Padahal, gua dan temen-temen gua berada pada satu wilayah yang sama. Hanya saja, waktu yang bikin keadaan jadi berubah seratus delapan puluh derajat dan memperbesar kerenggangan yang ada di antara kita.

Jujur, gua kangen sama temen-temen SMP gua. Meskipun gua bukan anak eksis, meskipun gua bukan anak gaul, meskipun gua bukan anak yang prestasinya seluas tata surya, meskipun temen-temen gua nggak sebanyak populasi manusia di bumi, meskipun gua kalo makan aja masih suka ceroboh, meskipun gua tau bahwa diri gua nggak seberarti sama tong sampah di kantin SMP gua yang selalu penuh sama sisa-sisa makanan, meskipun gua terlihat sama temen sebangku di SMP gua aja enggak, tapi gua pengen ketemu dan ngobrol-ngobrol lagi bareng temen-temen lama SMP gua.
Oke deh, bukan semuanya. Tapi 2 temen deket gua aja.

Ya, ya. Gua tau satu-satunya cara untuk menghapus kegalauan gua yang mulai menjadi-jadi ini adalah dengan mendekatkan diri sama mereka kayak dulu lagi.
Lewat SMS kek, telpon kek, chatting kek, skype-an kek, dsb.
Sekaligus mejalin pertemanan baru sama temen-temen baru mereka di SMA.
Tapi gimana??

Gua sendiri orangnya tergolong introvert, dan kalo punya masalah atau rahasia juga baru ngasih taunya ke orang yang gua percayain aja. Dan itu, adalah kedua temen gua. Itu pun kalo emang gua bener-bener memercayai mereka. Ada saatnya dimana gua nggak menaruh kepercayaan gua sepenuhnya sama mereka. Makanya itu, kenapa hal yang bernama "blog" sama "diary" begitu penting buat gua.
Berterima kasih banget deh, sama penemu kertas dan pulpen/pensil, sama penemu blog dan komputer.

Kadang juga gua suka nanya sama diri gua sendiri, kenapa orang yang introvert itu dapet temennya susah. Dan gua, menemukan sendiri jawabannya.
Tapi gua nggak ngerti bagaimana caranya orang yang extrovert, gokil, rame, dan bahkan bisa tergolong sakit jiwa bisa punya segudang temen deket.
Apakah itu artinya gua harus membuat diri gua lebih terbuka, lebih gokil, rame, "wah", dan tampak seperti orang sakit jiwa baru gua bisa punya at least 5 orang sahabat?

Apakah gua harus ngumbar-ngumbar perasaan yang gua punya ke siapa pun itu, gak peduli itu ke tukang bersih-bersih di sekolah?
Apakah gua harus lari-lari keliling sekolah sambil teriak-teriak "WOOOYYY BESOK MASIH SEKOLAAHH ANJIIIRRR!!" pake suara ala cewek yang lagi PMS, just to get the other kids' attention?
Apakah gua harus berlagak pecacal-pecicil kayak cewek-cewek remaja kebanyakan, hanya untuk dapet perhatian dari orang di sekitar gua?
Apakah gua harus ketawa kenceng-kenceng, dengan mulut selebar-lebarnya hanya supaya gua terkesan punya suara tawa yang "wah" ?
Apakah gua harus jad sok kenal sok deket sama temen-temen cowok angkatan gua, dan bahkan kalo bisa sama senior gua, hanya supayagua terkesan gaul da eksis?

Nggak, kan? 
Nggak perlu.

Tapi gimana dong? Kalo gua diem-diem aja, ntar dikira gua jaim alias jaga image. Dan sombong/arogan lah. Padahal gua sendiri orangnya introvert dan cuma berani ngumbar-ngumbar perasaan alias curhat di blog doang.
Atau mungkin, karena hal itu, makanya orang pada ngira gua orangnya pengecut alias cuman berani di belakang 'panggung' doang.

Hidup di dunia ini serba salah.
Lo mau begini, lo mau begitu, semuanya rasanya mau ngerjain apa aja tuh salah dan nista.
Ada kalanya gua merasa capek hidup di dunia ini. Ada kalanya gua berpikir kalo nggak ada orang yang peduli sama gua sama sekali. Jangankan peduli, gua sering kok nyapa orang di seitar gua entah itu guru, temen, ato pun siapa pun lah itu. Tapi gua diliat aja nggak.

Gimana gak capek ngejalanin hidup dimana lo dituntut untuk terus melakukan hal-hal baik, tapi dunia nggak memberikan hal-hal baik lainnya kepada lo?

Okelah. Gua emang anaknya pesimis. Pesimisnya kelewatan malah.
Tapi gtau kenapa, rasa pesimis itu yang bikin gua sendiri malah punya harapan sama Tuhan.
Gua yakin kok, Tuhan pasti ngasih yang terbaik buat kita.

Soalnya, kayak yang kita tahu, "semua indah pada waktunya".
Gua nggak peduli kejadian masa lampau itu mau kayak gimana parahnya lah. Yang penting kita sekarang mau memperbaikinya. Masalah sama siapa pun juga biar Tuhan yang ngurusin, kita tinggal ngejalanin hidup sebaik mungkin buat masa depan yang lebih baik.

Sekian dulu postingan untuk hari ini.

Minggu yang melelahkan. Maksud gue, seminggu yang melelahkan. Kebetulan hari ini hari Minggu. Semenjak gue duduk di bangku SMA, udah cukup banyak waktu yang tersita hanya untuk bengong dan mikirin nasib.

Judul diatas bukan sebagai judul postingan tentang Biologi. Tapi, catatan harian gue yang sepele seperti biasa.

Ternyata, bener juga apa kata guru Biologi SMA gue, yaitu kalo di sekolah yang gue tempatin ini, tugasnya banyak banget sampe bisa keteteran.

Awalnya gue menganggap bahwa pindah dari sekolah swasta ke sekolah negeri akan terasa sedikit lebih "santai" karena tata tertub dan peraturannya nggak se-sadis di sekolah swasta kebanyakan.

Tapi ternyata anggapan gue salah total.
Baru seminggu belajar aja, tugasnya udah bisa menuhin satu halaman buku agenda gue.
Oke, kembali ke seminggu ini.

Karena gue berasal dari SMP swasta yang terkenal ketatnya peraturan disitu, mindset gue jadi udah kesetel untuk berpikir, berbicara, dan bertindak layaknya anak sekolah itu.
Jelas itu kesalahan fatal.
Karena udah dari hari pertama sebelum MOPDB, seorang guru berceramah dan bilang ke kita, para calon MOPDB, bahwa mindset kita harus diubah 100% menjadi mindset anak SMA negeri itu.

Alasan gue pindah dari swasta ke negeri, adalah:
1. Pengen ngeringanin beban ortu
2. Bosen disitu terus
3. Sekolah disitu super mahal dan sangatlah sia-sia jika uang sebesar kurang-lebih Rp60 juta terbuang untuk pendidikan jenjang SMA selama 3 tahun. Itu pun kalo gue bener-bener sekolah pas 3 tahun alias nak kelas terus. Lah, kalo misalnya gak naik karena keteteran coba? Bisa-bisa jual rumah dulu baru lanjut SMA... Hahaha

Jadilah gue mendaftarkan diri di sala satu SMA negeri di ibukota ini.
Bisa dibilang, gue rada nekat waktu mau milih sekolah. Waktu itu kan pihak SMA swasta gue udah ngasih formulir pendaftaran SMA bagi siswa/i yang mau lanjutin SMA disitu lagi. Dan ternyata, biayanya cukup mahal.
Padahal, gue sendiri termasuk anak dari situ, tapi ternyata Tuhan nggak mengizinka gue untuk lanjut ke sekolah itu lagi.
Rp11-12 juta untuk biaya masuk sangatlah sayang untuk dikeluarkan.

Gue ngerti, gimana berat pikiran ortu gue saat itu. Antara pengen nyekolahin anak satu-satunya di sekolah yang bagus, tapi biayanya kemahalan.

Gue sempet bergumul selama dua minggu, minta tolong sama Tuhan apa yang harus gue pilih; apakah harus lanjut ke situ tapi biaya kelewat mahal, atau nyari sekolah lain yang mungkin kualitasnya nggak sebagus sekolah ini tapi biayanya jauh lebih murah?

Akhirnya, pas lagi belajar Fisika karena besoknya ada ulangan, ortu gue nyamperin dan nanya, kalo gue udah ngambil keputusan atau belum.
Dan gue pun bilang, "udah ma, pa."
Dan keputusan yang gue sebut itu adalah pindah dari sekolah itu, dan nyari sekolah baru. Dan sekolah baru itu maksudnya adalah sekolah negeri. Bukan swasta lagi.

Jadilah gue tidak mendaftarkan diri di sekolah swasta itu. Formulirnya gue balikin ke pihak tata SMA, dan gue memfokuskan diri gue untuk belajar sebaik mungkin supaya nantinya gue bisa diterima di SMA negeri.
Masa-masa seperti ini sebetulnya cukup menegangkan karena gue saat itu bener-bener belom daftar ke sekolah mana pun, belom tau mau lanjut ke SMA mana, dan belom ikutan tes-tes penerimaan siswa baru.
Jadi, cukup nekat lah.. hahaha

Selama ujian praktek, temen-temen gue nanya ke gue, "gimana kez? udah dapet SMA belom?" atau "kez, lo beneran nggak mau lanjut disini lagi?" dan "kez, kenapa pindah? mending disini aja, barengan sama kita-kita lagi.. kan seru" serta "lo mau lanjut ke negeri ya kez? hati-hati lho, anak-anaknya yang kayak begitu."

Tapi, gue tanggepin dengan bilang kalo gue masih belum tau dan belum yakin mau lanjut SMA kemana, dan pasti Tuhan bakal ngasih jawaban yang terbaik buat itu.
Jadilah gue, menghadapi ujian nasional dengan perasaan yang terlalu excited dan grogi sampai-sampai di hari pertama aja, gue kesulitan nulis nama gue sendiri.

Waktu itu gue udah tau kalo salah satu syarat masuk ke SMA negeri, adalah harus punya nilai UN yang cukup dan "cukup" means that gue harusbisa dapet nilai UN yang tinggi untuk bisa masuk ke SMAN yang letaknya di luar provinsi tempat sekolah swasta gue berada.

Sempet terlalu dipikirin juga sih, tapi akhirnya gue berhasil melalui UN.
Ini semua karena Tuhan yang udah nemenin dan menopang mental serta kemampuan gue selama duduk di ruang ujian.
Dia tahu dan ngerti kalo gue sedang dalam pergumulan antara dapet sekolah atau nggak.

Akhirnya, pas pengumuman tiba, gue berhasil mencapai target yaitu nilai minimal yang gue "ciptakan" untuk bisa masuk SMAN.
Walaupun nilainya nggak tinggi-tinggi amet, tapi gue bersyukur karena dengan nilai segitu, akhirnya gue bisa mendaftarkan diri ke 3 pilihan SMAN.

Tapi, nasib gue nggak berujung cuma sampe disitu.
Pada hari ketiga penerimaan siswa/i SMAN secara online, gue 'ketendang' dari pilihan pertama gue.
Anehnya, gue nggak merasa kecewa sama sekali atau pun sedih. Padahal, gue cukup ngebet kepengen sekolah disitu karena fasilitasnya bagus, anak-anak yang ada disit juga pinter-pinter, jadi lumayan 'bergengsi' gitu lah masuk situ.
Singkat cerita, gue diterima di pilihan kedua.

Ini adalah suatu momen yang sangat... Entahlah. Pas, de javu, cocok, sesuai, ato apa punlah itu artinya. Why? Soalnya gue pernah iseng-iseng nyari alamat sekolah ini karena waktu itu gue lagi nyari 2 pilihan lain untuk jadi cadangan kalo-kalo gak keterima di pilihan pertama.

Lalu, setelah sekian lama nanya sana nanya sini, gue ketemu juga lokasi sekolah ini. Waktu itu lagi masa-masa anak kelas 12 pada persiapan buat UN. Jadi, ada beberapa murid yang masuk di hari Minggu waktu itu.
Nggak tau deh, mungkin ada semacam try out dan sebagainya.
Gue pun masuk ke gerbang itu, sambil ditemenin sama ortu.
Cuma pengen liat gedungnya dan prestasi-prestasinya aja, sih. Gue pun berpikir, "bagus juga, gedungnya. Gede, dan lumayan adem. Ekskulnya juga asik-asik."

Jadilah gue memasukan sekolah ini ke dalam list SMAN gue.
Tapi, begitu pas hari H-nya tiba untuk memasukkan ketiga pilihan tersebut, jadlah gue bimbang ._.
Gue bingung antara pengen jadiin sekolah yang sekarang gue tempatin itu jadi urutan kedua, ato ketiga. Labil banget lah pokoknya gue waktu itu. Akhirnya, tepat sebelum memutuskan, gue diajak nyokap untuk doa bareng.

Akhirnya, gue memilih sekolah gue yang sekarang gue tempatin, mejadi pilihan kedua.
Nggak tau kenapa, gue udah punya feeling aja kalo kayaknya nih gue ujung-ujungnya bakal diterima di pilihan kedua.
Dan itu, terjadi juga.

Bukan pesimis, tapi gue rada yakin kalo kayaknya nilai gue itu masih kurang untuk bisa masuk di pilihan pertama.

Waktu hari pertama masuk ke SMA ini, gue sering jatuh dan berpikir, "God. Kenapa juga gue naruh seolah ini jad pilihan kedua? Coba kalo pilihan ketiga. Pasti gue nggak akan merasa gaenak kayak begini."
Ya, gue bener-bener merasa rendah diri waktu pertama kali masuk situ. Bukan hanya seragam gue aja yang beda sendiri (kebanyakan dari SMPN, jadi rok dan celananya panjang-panjang), tapi karena gue juga sama sekali belom kenal siapa pun dari 360 anak baru yang berdiri di tengah lapangan.

Gue akui, bawa gue butuh waktu sekitar 2-3 bulan untuk beradaptasi di SMAN ini, dan untuk bisa mejadi "sama" dengan anak-anak lainnya kebanyakan.

Selama ini, temen-temen deket yang baru gue "koleksi" belom nyampe 5 orang. Susaaahh banget rasanya nyari temen di lingkungan baru, kalo kita udah dari kecil bertemen sama anak-anak yang itu-itu aja.

Alasan gue pindah ke sekolah negeri juga karena biar gue bisa berbaur dan ngerti orang-orang yang berbeda agama, keyakinan, sudut pandang, dan sebagainya.

Oke deh kalo begitu. Sampai disini dulu postingan kali ini. 
Hope this post is useful buat siapa pun yang membacanya.

I'm now in Senior High! :D
Huahahahaha huohohoho huehehehe

Sorry.
It's just that I'm too excited to be in SHS. I mean there's gotta be more freedom like you ca express yourself there and act freely as you want as long as it is according to the rules.

As I've written before in my last post (I haven't written anything else after that. Too much waiting for the student orientation along this June and July!), I've mentioned that I didn't get into my first choice of Senior High but into the second out of three.

Beside feeling sad and regret, I actually enjoyed the freshman :)

Well, was a bit anxious and scared at first cause I've heard and read and watched some news about kids in Senior High public schools that fought with their juniors along the student orientation.
Even though most of the time they fought with juniors that are boys and not girls, I still was kinda scared.

But then the anxious feeling was gone since I knew that the kids in this school kinda rare fighting with their juniors :) I don't know, maybe the thing is so old-fashioned and doesn't make any sense if they did it again this year?

Before the freshman that was held last Monday on 16th of June, we were gathered in the school field to get some announcement for the day.

I was shocked cause I just realized that the new kids were just a HUGE group in this school.
There were some seniors and teachers too that were going to give the announcement and led us.

One of the teachers told us that we could see which class we were by looking for our name in a white board with 9 sheets of paper of students attendance stick on the board.

I was in X-7.
And then were gathered and lined up according to our class.

And we were later led by 3 (or two) of our seniors that are the members of the student organization and we were told to bring some stuffs in Monday.

And so yeah, I've done the orientation last Wednesday and this Monday, I'll have some tests that would make me have to leave my classmates in X-7 and get into another new class with new classmates.

The test is to set the new kids to be in a class with their classmates who have the same level of them.

So, that's all.
I'll post some more about this school later!
(sorry for bad grammar and vocabulary I have)

I've finally got my new school!!!
This is so exciting! :D

Well, it's not that 'EXCITING' actually... Since I knew that the school where I'm gonna attend is not my first choice.

It started when I knew that I could choose for more than one school in the government of education's website.
One to three choices, I mean.
(wait. It sounds like "1, 2, 3" -_- hah. Just forget it~)

I've been looking for some good senior highs that stands pretty close to my house, so I choose A, B, and C.

But then on the day where I could finally input my choices in the site,  I was so confused.
I mean I know that A is one of those best senior highs here in this town and so many kids want to attend in that school. But the problem is that I haven't been inside it cause the first time I went to it, the security said that we couldn't get in cause they were going to check and clean the school for the 12th graders' national exam on the next day.

I felt stupid that I forgot that info.

So the next week, I went to see B and found that it has such a small building. Well, smaller than the other 2 choices, I mean. So little trees and plants, and classes (even though it has 2 more floors up from the first one).
Also, it has a pretty high passing grade. Around 8.7 average.
So I got 9.22 and that means, I could pass the PG! :D
Plus, this school is the closest to my house than those 2 other schools I choose.

And the last, I finally moved my feet to C.
This school is actually way better than B cause it has higher passing grade, Around 9.0 average I guess, even though it's not higher than A which has PG around 9.5 :P
C has a bigger building than B but not as big as A for as good as I could see from the outside of A.

There were so many wall magazines on the left wall right after you enter the gateway. And I've seen one of them that shows so many extra classes (or which we call it most as 'extracurricular' or 'excul' for short, here).
I was so interested at the first sight with this school just because of the extra classes I saw from the list, also from the way this school building looks like.
Not looking like an office building like my old school looks like. You know... Less trees and plants and more walls and windows and doors and stairs and stuffs.
I don't know.
Maybe someday they might build some escalators and lifts like the center of their school branches. (My old school actually has hundreds of branches spreads around Indonesia since around 60 years ago. Sorry, hard find any other word that means 'branch'. You know, another word that almost means as 'franchise'. Like McDonalds, you do know there are bunches of McDs around the world.. Well, just forget it! So confusing...)

Back to the topic.
So umm..
Yeah.

So then I finally chose A, B, and C.
And waited until it comes the time for me to verify that I want to attend one of those schools.

Here's the rule:
If I didn't get into the first choice, I would be in the second one. If I didn't get into the 2nd, I'd be in the 3rd. And if I still didn't get into all of those choices until the last day of the verification day (6th of July!) then I could register myself again and choose another 3 schools for the second time.

I went to my grandma's house from 2nd to 5th of July where kids around Indonesia who wants to attend their next senior high were covered in anxiety, hoping that they wouldn't be kicked out from their first choice.

Oh yeah. Another important rule again: If you attended your old school outside the town where those senior highs you chose stands, you would only get 5% from the limit of all new students (from inside and outside the town) that will attend the school.

For example, if they accept only 100 new students, then you would only have 5 chances to be accepted in the school. Means they only accept 5 new students outside the town where it stands.

I attend my old school outside the town where I choose A, B, and C. So I was so anxious.

For A, I only have 15 chances and right from the start on the first day I verified myself, I was in the 6th place from 15 chairs. I kept on looking on the site as my name runs down and down and finally, I was kicked out on the third day.
There were so many kids with higher scores than mine.

Then I checked my name on the B's list and found it in the 8th place. Was not really anxious after this cause they had 17 seats for kids outside the town.

So yeah, I may not be in A but I'm sure there's gotta be something way better for me in B :P

I'll post some more about this school later!

Finally! My 7000th pageview! :P   After about 4 years blogging ._.

hehe.